Shut Up, Stop Whining, & Get a Life...

Author: Larry Winget
Rating: 7

Very interesting book from the author who considers himself the pitbull of personal development. The book is written in a confrontational style in an attempt to get the reader to think. There were some great moments in this book that just clicked for me. There were others (not a lot, but some) that I didn't exactly agree with. And then there were a couple points where he's just being crass - I think he could have used a really good editor - but then maybe he did but he ignored their advice. Either way, there are gems of brilliance in this book.

I think the best way to review this book is to note those items that spoke true for me...

* a continual theme throughout the book is that the truth hurts - it's tough - we all know what we should do, but it requires effort or takes us out of our comfort zone - however, if we follow that path we will move towards our true purpose in life.

* success is achieved through service and taking on personal responsibility.

SHUT UP
=======

* stop talking and listen - really listen to others - listen to family and build relationships - listen to your customers as they'll tell you how to succeed and serve them well - listen to experts and ask for their help - listen to great music that relaxes and inspires - listen to your higher self, your conscience, God.

* don't listen to people who talk bad about others, office gossip, others who talk down to you for any reason at any time, or yourself when you're talking down / negative self-talk.

STOP WHINING
=============

* stop whining - take responsibility for yourself, your actions, your life - example for me: people are fat because they eat too much. period. overeating and no exercise is my fault and not the food services business ie - McDonald's, etc.

* stuff happens - it's what makes life interesting - take responsibility, clean your mess, fix your problem, commit to do better.

* whining prolongs the problem - cannot focus on fixing the problem when whining - make a plan instead - a plan energizes your actions - focused on the solution - that's when life moves forward.

GET A LIFE
==========

* you happen to life

* life begins at the end of your comfort zone - taken from conversations with God - book 3 - Neale Donald Walsch

* you are always able to still do more - are you willing? - the world is made up of the wills and the will nots - be a will!

* your life is the way it is because you have not been willing to do what it takes to make it different.

* want only matters if you want enough to be willing to do whatever it takes to achieve the desired results

* excuses give you a way to keep from accepting responsibility - excuses point the finger of blame away from yourself - reasons force you to point the finger of blame in the direction it should be pointed - yourself

* three reasons people are not successful: stupidity, laziness, don't care attitude
*** stupidity - you should be reading, listening, and learning more every day
*** laziness - implementation of knowledge is power - it is what you do with what you know that matters - takes effort
*** don't care attitude - the ultimate insult to yourself and your family

LIVE BY DESIGN
==============

* what you think about, talk about, and do something about is what comes about - in other words any problem can boil down to how you think, what you say, and your actions - therefore... create thoughts, create words, create action and the world belongs to you

* limited thinking produces limited results - limited thinking comes from a limited view of who you are - expand your vision of who you are then you will think in bigger ways, express yourself differently, and act differently

* call yourself something and you will become that something - what you say programs what happens - words attract to you either the life you want or the life you do not want - proclaim what you want

* affirmations are powerful - however they need to be followed up with the "do" side of the equation

* actions are the result of your thoughts and beliefs - if you don't like, then simply change - if you want something different you have to change the way you do things

* "As long as you keep on doing what you've been doing then you are gong to keep on getting what you've been getting. If you don't like what you've been getting then you've got to change what you've been doing" - Zig Ziglar

* change the way you think, talk, friends, places, reading material, food, television

* "If you want something you have never had, you have to do something you have never done." - Mike Murdock

* live by Yoda's words - "There is no try. There is only do or do not do." - trying is an excuse, a way out - give up trying

* everything you think, everything you say, and everything you do matters - it moves you one direction or the other - every word matters - every action matters

** when you stop letting things slide and start taking advantage of every moment then amazing things happen - the little stuff matters the most

* you do not get what you want until you know what you want - focus on the action steps necessary

* the life you want comes at a price - everything comes at a price and nothing is free - ie: fit and trim price is decreased calories and increased exercise - the reality of life is that you will pay a price one way or the other - one gives you what you want and the other does not and manifests itself in misery, unhealthiness, and brokenness

SLAUGHTERING THE SELF-HELP COWS
===============================

* attitude is not everything and motivation does not work

* attitude is important but alone it will not change things - effort changes things, thoughts change things, words change things - it's what you think about, talk about, and do something about that comes about.

* negative attitude is ok - it's what kicks us in the pants - sometimes you must get upset to change - it's a catalyst - in other words sometimes in order to make positive changes in your life, you first have to get negative about your life

* glass half full or half empty - who cares - question is does the amount in the glass quench your thirst - attitude won't quench your thirst

* attitude should be combined with work - the effort to serve others well - service is rewarded - effective service to others requires work which should be performed with a good attitude - those (including business) who understand that their purpose is service to others live lives of abundance - you are paid for:
*** the effort to help others
*** the effort to serve others
*** the effort to love others
*** the effort to bring happiness to others
*** the effort to make others' lives more secure
*** the effort to make others' lives easier

* service must be the ultimate motive of your life - success, happiness, and prosperity come from having served well

* reality is that the few do and the many watch - stop watching so much and start doing something - however you must do the right things (you know what they are and they take effort)

* the only way to become motivated is to help yourself - you will only change when ready to change, want to change, and believe you can

* motivation that makes you feel good about yourself will not change your life - must move from feeling good to believing in your abilities - that belief will propel you to amazing heights

* you have to just do it - do it, do it badly, keep doing, you will learn and get better - you will be encouraged to do more until something amazing will be accomplished - must be willing to risk failure and willing to continue doing it until it gets done

* self-image is not the key - how you feel about yourself is not that important - how you feel about what you can do is what is important

* feeling uncomfortable creates change - gets you to do - but the doing needs to be focused on what you really want - you must have a plan - a direction - plans, dreams, desires - must be articulated and focused so that energy can be directed

* you can become whatever you have the potential to become and are willing to dedicate the time and effort into becoming, and what you have the talent for - that is the truth - no more, no less

* you can have whatever you believe you deserve, and whatever you take action toward achieving, utilizing your abilities, your thoughts, and your words - you do not get what you want; you get what you take action on

* there are no problems, only opportunities - wrong - a problem is a problem - hurt is real - pain exists - these are realities and don't sugarcoat it - problems need to be called a problem and dealt with as a problem.

BELIEFS DETERMINE OUTCOME
=========================

* you always manifest your belief system - everything about you - what you do, how you talk, what you have, where you go - all shout out exactly what you believe

* your beliefs leave a trail that shows up in every area of your life

* make a list of what you believe - how does that affect the way you live, your possessions, your relationships, your success, and your happiness

ENJOYMENT FACTOR
=================

* enjoy every aspect of life - your primary responsibility is to your own happiness - you do not need to do things you do not enjoy! - the overriding principle that rules life is enjoyment and is actually based on a motive of service to others

* when you enjoy what you do you will figure out a way to be excellent at it - when you're excellent at what you do you will serve others better by doing it well - when you serve others well you will be rewarded well - therefore, your success is a result of how well you serve others

* absence of enjoyment indicates a presence of frustration and dissatisfaction which leads to negativity - which leads to reacting negatively to everyone and everything

* enjoy your employment or leave - before leaving think about what you do enjoy and focus on that aspect and see if it expands - if you do something you do not like doing for the sake of others, then you just end up resenting those people for keeping you from dong what you like

* if you don't enjoy your friends them dump them - why spend time with people you don't enjoy? - if we live for others instead of ourselves we end up unhappy and resentful

* learn to enjoy things the way they are while you are in the process of changing them - during the tough times appreciate there is a lesson to be learned and enjoy the idea you are going to be better for having survived the experience

* many times enjoyment comes not by a change in conditions but by a change in awareness - do you enjoy the simple things in life - what do you take for granted

* "We are put here on earth to fart around. Don't let anyone tell you any different" - Kurt Vonnegut - I love Kurt Vonnegut - great stuff

FITNESS, FATNESS
================

* you do not have to be sick - you can choose to be healthy - diet and exercise

* psychological and emotional problems always manifest themselves physically

* talk to a skinny doctor - stop being fat - fat is a result of both stupidity and laziness

* funny but true - author will not become fat because he's mouthed off about it too many times - just get real mouthy about something and then the sheer embarrassment of not performing to your own standard will keep you from falling below the bar you have set

* you don't have to love eating right and exercise - just hate being fat even more

* it is a choice - it is a choice to eat the way you do and to exercise

* larry's non-medical advice:
*** stop going to fast food restaurants so often
*** park far away and walk
*** go for a walk
*** smaller portions
*** when you lose a little weight - go buy an expensive outfit
*** when you lose a little weight - have your good stuff tailored (dump the crap)
*** when you lose a little weight - rub it into your fat friends (see mouthing off above)
*** simply do what you know is right
*** have a little indulgence but they should never become regular occurrences
*** find a skinny friend to eat with
*** lack of opportunity - do not have things available that are bad
*** drink lots of water
*** do something
*** goto the gym and lift weights - muscle burns calories faster than fat

EVERYONE SCREWS UP
==================

* make a mistake - do not waste time beating yourself up - realize you made certain choices to this point - examine those choices and make new ones in order to be somewhere else

* big deal - know that you can say to yourself big deal
* admit it - take responsibility
* fix it - do/action
* move on - don't whine

RELIGION
========

* causes you to love people more

* causes you to be compelled to give money to take care of people who need help

* causes you to give up prejudice and brings inner peace

* causes you to care more about the world and those who live in it

* simply love one another

* presence of good and the action of love

GET SMARTER
===========

* not only do you need to own the book - you need to read the book

* how to read a book
*** buy it
*** mark it up
*** tell others about it (reinforces your learning)
*** don't loan it to others - buy them a copy
*** buy lots of books
*** have a variety to meet the time, place, and mood
*** if it's bad - stop reading it and find another
*** read for different reasons - learn, spirit, entertainment

* read philosophy, spirituality, biographies and some "junk" for fun - mysteries, how-to, horror, humor, etc.

* audio learning for those that spend a great deal of time travelling

* video learning - watch great speakers

* seminars - go hear speakers who deliver high-quality, content-rich material

* smart people - ask people who know what you want to know - shut up and listen - smart people talk about things instead of people

* the more you know the better you are prepared in the decision making process

STRESS
======

* comes from knowing what is right and doing what is wrong (or nothing at all)

* stress from people - the person is not the cause of the stress - it is caused by you not doing what you know is the right thing to do - lack of correct action is the culprit

* stress from weight - stop eating like a pig - start exercising - stress comes not from weight but knowing you should be doing something about it

* make a list - determine the remedy (may be painful, expensive, embarrassing, and not easy) - and do it - it will always be better to take action than to live with the stress

LEARN TO RELAX
===============

* the ability to relax must be learned

* key ingredient is to really enjoy where you live

* create an environment you can enjoy and relax in - do your best to make a personal space you can love

* find something you enjoy as an outlet - relaxes the mind and feeds the soul (example is painting which works for me and I've been out of sync with my miniature painting)

* schedule your relaxation or it won't happen - be firm to your commitment

MONEY RULES
===========

* having money is a lot better than not having money

* your finances do not get right until your life gets right

* you earn money - work that provides the most service to others makes you rich - focus on the service you provide and how you can continually add more value to everyone you work with - do more than you are paid to do

* get the right attitude about money - prosperity consciousness is believing the universe provides more than enough for you and everyone else - pay your bills with a smile (you created them) - pay your taxes enthusiastically (you benefited even if you don't agree with all the programs) - have fun spending money (else there's no purpose in having it) - give away some of your money on a regular basis

* "All the money you are ever going to have is currently in the hands of someone else." - Earl Nightingale

* carry cash - gives confidence - gives freedom - it is a reminder of what you did

* is it enough?? - have you served your best - have you given all you got - if yes, then you have received the right amount

RELATIONSHIPS
=============

* unlike other resources explaining men/women are from different planets, Winget believes that it is the commonality that men/women share which will bring them closer together

* we need to be discovering and celebrating what we have in common in order to have more harmonious relationships

* relationships renew themselves constantly - don't focus on future or past, only the now - energy is put into enjoying every second of what they have at that moment - be totally committed - don't take the other for granted

* do what it takes to be your best for your spouse - not out of obligation, but out of desire

* constantly tend to the relationship in order to leave it better than when you found it - put in the effort to keep the spark going

* marriage is about spending time - romance has to do with the quality of the relationship

* relationships are two halves who meet to enjoy a greater wholeness - however, you must maintain individuality - develop yourself as an individual as the better you are the better the whole - give each other space - allow uniqueness in terms of tastes, space, interests and friends

* "the more space you allow and encourage within a relationship, the more the relationship will flourish" - Dr. Wayne Dyer

* individuality does not mean non-compatibility (see first bullet) - you must have things in common - lots of things in common

* the differences between between individuality and compatibility make it interesting - discover the differences between each other and enjoy them - make them a source of humor - it's what makes life fun

* take personal responsibility for your own happiness - need your own approval and not other people's approval - personal satisfaction comes when you rise above the need for approval from others

* we are responsible to give others our best, every time, without compromise - however, we are not responsible for others' response or reaction to our best

* a strong relationship does not need one to control the others time, activities, or thoughts - trust them - celebrate their individuality

* closeness should be out of want and not need - much better to want to be with someone rather than need - need is based in lack and fear - want is based in desire - we all want to be wanted, but few really want to be needed

* confidence from knowing we are okay by ourselves will draw others to us - independence is attractive

* the great dichotomy - you do not need others to be happy and yet you cannot be happy without others

* on forgiveness - forgiveness is hard - two thoughts (1) there is no way to be happy in a relationship when you contain anger, resentment, and unforgiveness - (2) you are responsible for your happiness and no one else can do it for you - therefore, you do not forgive others because they deserve it, you forgive others because you deserve it - easy, no - necessary, absolutely

* on jealousy - based in fear, a dangerous emotion that grows from a lack of self-esteem and a lack of trust - destructive in every way - detroys relationships and sanity - give it up

* all relationships rely on trust - once broken the relationship changes forever and pays a price - think about the consequences and know there is no going back

* on communication - go as far as it takes (no half way or even all the way) to establish open and honest communication - talk and keep talking - even if painful - silence is rarely a friend - silence leads to distance

* on disagreements - healthy and natural - should be passionate - should be open and honest - bottling up anger turns into resentment - get it said and then make up - make the argument about some "thing" and not about some "one" - personal attacks only hurt - make the argument about the action and not about the who

* on romance - learn to be romantic - pay attention to their desires and do something about it - touch and physical contact is important - affection that comes from lack of obligation is the most meaningful

* on friendship - exists entirely because you want it to - it's always a choice - friends accept you and let you be the way you are - a friend will let you do a lot of dumb things but they will not let you whine - instead they will kick your butt and force you to take responsibility

KIDS = PAIN IN BUTT
====================

* kids are dirty, messy, and expensive - yet they are the neatest thing ever to happen - they are your responsibility

* there are no bad kids - only bad parents

* kids push their limits - they are supposed to push their limits as part of growing - it is the responsibility of parent to set the limits and discipline accordingly

* you must love your kids enough to discipline them - be consistent and make the punishment fit the crime - do it privately

* make your word golden - a promise is a promise regardless of what the promise is about

* your kids are a reflection of what you have taught them - your actions speak louder than words

* raising kids is not easy - it's the hardest job, the most awesome responsibility

* sometimes you need to know when to let it go - some things come and go - keep your mouth shut about it and let it slide - unless it is life threatening (then get very involved) - pick your battles - kids eventually become human

* stay involved - know what's going on in your kids lives - know their interests - know their friends - have the kids at your house

* give them privacy, but know what's going on - establish a relationship based on communication, trust, and respect

* be cool, but not too cool - do not be their best friend - there is a line between being their best friend and a parent that should not be crossed

* do not expect perfection - kids are not perfect - (there's an old saying - it's better to build a boy, then to mend a man)

* teenagers are pretty much disgusting creatures - there is no known cure except for time - just keep loving them

SEX
====

* God gave sex to enjoy - it is natural - not wrong, very right

* sexual repression not sexual expression is the problem - causes crimes, guilt, and ruined relationships

* guilt producing teachings (typically by fundamentalists) creates a society of sexually repressed people who do not understand how to have sex without guilt

LOVE IS THE KEY
================

* love is the key to success, happiness, and prosperity - what makes you a great leader, salesperson, delivers amazing customer service - makes you the kind of person others want to be with and share their money with

* when you love what you do you will become excellent at it - loving what you do is the key to your personal compensation and your ultimate prosperity

* love the company you work for as well as the customer who ultimately receives your service

* love others and you will serve them in the ultimate way - they will want to do the same for you

* you cannot be good for anyone else until you love yourself

* love is key to business success - love your customers and you will serve them well, in return the will love doing business with you - love your people and they will follow you better than any other tool or tactic

* love the experience of enhancing the lives of others by investing in the lives of others with your cash - loving to help others through various charitable organizations will be one of the major factors in gauranteeing continual financial success

* extend love to others and accept the love that comes in return - your happiness will be in direct proportion to the love you give

CRITICISM HAPPENS
==================

* criticism becomes dangerous when it is directed about who someone is, not what they do

* critique the action, not the person

* do not discount a person's value because you do not like how they look or dress

* you will be criticized for daring to make life happen - do not bother defending your success - you served others and in return are the rewards for that service - do not be embarrassed by it - do not apologize for it - rise above the approval of others and simply be thankful

* cynicism is different than criticism and can be a good thing - beware of those who argue the loudest - truth does not care if it is questioned as it can always stand up to questioning - false fights back, retaliates, and attacks

MORE YOU GIVE, MORE YOU GET
============================

* get more by giving more - you get by giving - the more you give of what you have, the more you actually get

* laws of physics - nature abhors a vacuum - it is only when you give things away that you make room for more

* give to an organization that can really use it

* giving to those who actually need what you are getting rid of will help create the abundance necessary to replace it

ON WORK - EMPLOYMENT
=====================

* Three reasons to go to work every single day:

*** to keep existing customers (primary reason, repeat business, referrals, will help you survive the toughest of times and prosper during the best of times)

*** to create new customers (someone else did not treat them right)

*** to make yourself and your organization the kind that other people want to do business with (customers do business with employees - values and personality of any organization is a reflection of the individual employee and not what the banner says on the wall)

* when you work, work - when you play, play - do not mix the two - it screws up the work and the play

* build a reputation of getting things done - do the stuff that's not your favorite first - stay focused - figure out the most important thing each day and get it done - doing the things that really matter produce the results that really matter

* do not make it your goal to be the cheapest - make your goal to be the best - when you give up money you give up quality, service, integrity

* do not judge what others want by what you are willing to accept - error on the side of more - give them more than what they expect

* do what you say you are going to do, when you said you were going to do it, in the way you said you were going to do it - no excuses

THERE IS JUST NO TIME
======================

* time management is a joke - it cannot be managed - the problem is not lack of time but is poorly defined priorities - focus on the priorities

* figure out what is important to you and establish those things as priorities - "other things" will creep into your life because you do not have clearly defined priorities

* there will never be time to do everything, however there is plenty of time to do the things you really want once your priorities are defined

BALANCE
========

* work hard, but not so hard you lose your life

* play hard, but not so hard you lose your livelihood

* balance is the key - each is the spoke of a wheel which only provides a smooth ride when all parts are equal (no flat spots)

* do not completely abandon any one area in pursuit of another

HOPE
====

* give up hope - it's never done a bit of good as it is grounded in uncertainty

* have faith - faith is grounded in absolute certainty - faith is knowing

* give up hope, have faith, and then step out boldly

GUILT
=====

* regret - means you are sorry and you don't want to repeat the same action again

* guilt - is the emotion that immobilizes - serves no purpose - will not help you in any way

* make restitution - apologize - forgive yourself - learn from experience - act differently

WORRY
=====

* why worry about what you can't control - if you can control then worry is a waste of energy

* past is something you cannot control - don't worry about it

* future is something you can control - do not worry - do something about it instead

* present is in your control - live it the way you want to live it and know you should live it

* worry is a misuse of your imaginatiion - worry attracts to you exactly what you do not want to happen

* focus on what you want to happen - this will draw you to what you really want - you have every condition in your life because that was your focus - change your focus and you will change your results

SELFISHNESS
===========

* it's a good thing - you have to be selfish with yourself - you cannot be good for others unless you are first good to yourself

* be selfish with your time - learn to say no to things that hold no interest so as to not keep yourself from saying yes to those things you really want to do in life

* help those that sincerely want to be helped - they will appreciate it and actually use the help given them

DEAL IS A DEAL
===============

* deal is a deal, suck it up and keep your word

* make a better deal next time - be smarter next time - but this time live up to your commitment

* if you make a promise then keep it; mess up then admit it; received payment for a service then provide it exactly as you said you would

THE BOTTOM LINE
================

* am I happy? healthy? serving? loving? learning? having fun? doing something I enjoy? prosperous?

* remember...

- a rollercoaster has it's ups and downs but is never dull - it is always exciting and you can't wait to get on and do it again!

- A merry-go-round has sweet music and goes in circles - it's nice and safe and pleasant

More risk in the rollercoaster but you will know that you have lived